


When Omni-gel Fails

by PorcelainLove



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Caring and comfort, F/M, Friendship, Implied past sexytimes, Introspection, Pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-21 12:08:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14284614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PorcelainLove/pseuds/PorcelainLove
Summary: “Hey Shepard, do you think you could be a little more careful?”  Garrus managed to get out between breathing in short, controlled bursts and trying not to get slammed into the roof.  It was a delicate act, especially because said Commander seemed to be trying her hardest to hit every boulder she could find.“What’s wrong, Vakarian?  Rough night?”  Eyes twinkling, Shepard spared a glance towards the back of the Mako.  Garrus looked… uncomfortable.(Or, the aftermath of sexual shenanigans, some introspection, and an almost confession.)





	When Omni-gel Fails

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't played or written Mass Effect anything in ages but something keeps bringing my brain back to Shakarian and refusing to let go. <3
> 
> This is just a bit of fun - something I came up with in the shower. Hope you enjoy.

“Yippee-ki-yay motherfu--”

There was a harsh squeal of metal on metal as the Mako flattened the geth turret, silencing it for good.  The planet, thought to have been abandoned long ago, was clearly more populated than the Normandy’s sensors could have foreseen.  Not that that was any problem at all for the more than capable Commander Shepard and her passengers.

And the highly secure, immensely powerful metal tank they were currently strapped into.

After the events of the original Normandy the Mako had been more or less obliterated.  Shepard, in her infinite wisdom, had requested a replacement. There was just something about it - the Kodiak couldn’t compare.  Garrus, however, was really missing the smoothness of the Kodiak’s guidance systems.

Or maybe Shepard was just a terrible driver.

“Hey Shepard, do you think you could be a little more careful?”  Garrus managed to get out between breathing in short, controlled bursts and trying not to get slammed into the roof.  It was a delicate act, especially because said Commander seemed to be trying her hardest to hit every boulder she could find.

“What’s wrong, Vakarian?  Rough night?” Eyes twinkling, Shepard spared a glance towards the back of the Mako.  Garrus looked… uncomfortable.

Something unspoken passed between them causing their third party member to voice her concern.

“Garrus, are you functioning within normal parameters?”

Garrus closed his eyes and waited a moment before answering.  His mandibles twitched in irritation, but not at his curious crewmate.  

“Yes EDI, I’m fine.  Thank you for your concern.”

The AI didn’t appear to believe him, as she extended an arm and attempted to feel his forehead.  A sudden jolt shoved her hand into his noseplate instead. Eyes narrowing in apology, EDI repositioned herself and reached her goal.  Garrus wasn’t sure why she chose that particular mannerism but maybe she’d been spending some time with Dr. Chakwas. It was a distinctly  _ human _ thing to do.

“You are... warm.  Although turians are hotter than any other species--”

“Damn straight, EDI.  You falling for Garrus’s charms too?” Shepard’s voice drifted back, highly amused and clearly enjoying herself.

“As you and the entire crew is aware, Joker and I are partners.  Garrus is of no interest to me. As I was saying, Turians are hotter than any other species but I cannot discern why you seem cooler than usual.”

Piercing blue eyes narrowed in confusion before looking right into EDI’s eyes. “Pain tends to do that, but don’t worry yourself. More to the point, ‘ _ cooler than usual’?   _ Since when do you know my usual temperature?”

EDI sat back and tugged at her seatbelt, clearly not as bothered by the bouncing and stomach-churning drops through the air as Garrus.  

“Joker informed me that as a valuable member of the Normandy, I should ensure that all my crew members are in ‘tip-top condition’.”

“Uh huh.” Garrus was unimpressed.  “And just what else does Joker wish you to look for?  I assume he has requested you report your findings to him alone?”

“Correct.” EDI said. “He assured me he would let Dr. Chakwas know if there was anything he found suspicious as I, not being human, would not know what certain doctors might find important.  He had requested I check for temperatures, strange colourations, weight gains, odd gaits…”

Shepard, who had been choking back laughter up front when she heard EDI and Garrus’s conversation, now exclaimed in outrage (that sounded somewhat over-dramatic, if Garrus did say so himself).

“That rat-bastard,  _ that’s _ why he had Mordin deliver me that revolting green smoothie.   _ Joker is concerned, Shepard, please take this with his compliments. _ ” Shepard slammed her hands on the steering wheel to emphasize her point.  “It tasted so bad I couldn’t stand to eat anything for two days - and the reason being Joker thought I needed to lose some weight? Oh, he’s going to _ get it _ when we get back to the Normandy.”

Garrus winced, half in sympathy for the suffering future Joker would be receiving, and half because Shepard  _ must _ have decided to just end it all because they were driving  _ up a damn mountain. _

“I am sorry.” EDI said morosely.  “I thought I was helping. Was Joker using my limited understanding of human interaction to cause chaos once again?”

Garrus thought of all the pranks Joker had already played on the rest of the crew.  Black dye in Miranda’s coffee that stained her teeth black for hours. Hologram of a space hamster in Liara’s quarters, freaking her out and driving her crazy until she realized she  _ couldn’t _ catch it and chase it out.  Cutting small holes in Vega’s tank tops so his nipples poked through without any resistance...

It was amazing that Joker was still breathing.  Maybe because he knew that pranking Jack was the one thing  _ no one _ should ever do.  Joker was also amazingly mobile for someone with a debilitating bone disease.  Some of the things he did… he had to have help. Someone who held all the passcodes to the rooms.  Someone who would be least suspected…

Shepard sighed through her nose and looked back at EDI to give her a thumbs up.  

“No worries EDI, you can just help us get back at Joker later on.  Real friends don’t lose in a prank war - real friends fight back.”

“Understood Shepard.  I await your instructions.”

“Awesome EDI, you’re the best.  But… do you think you could give me and Garrus a little private time? I have something sensitive I want to discuss with him and  _ real friends _ don’t eavesdrop.”  That emphasis caused EDI to nod with great understanding.  There was an audible click.

“Garrus, Shepard, I have disabled my aural canals.  Please let me know when I can re-enable them.” She looked down at the datapad she had procured from somewhere, and made it clear that was she giving everyone their privacy. Garrus wasn’t about to look a gift-varren in the mouth.  

Although it was clear that Joker wasn’t just instructing her in the ways of subtle trickery.  He must also had included a human interaction component. EDI hardly  _ needed _ to look at a datapad to read the information within, but by choosing to do so she was clearly trying to make her friends feel more at ease.

“How are you not in just as much pain as me?” Garrus asked, wishing above all else that he could see Shepard’s face.  “I know I said I could ‘ _ go all night _ ’ but you know that’s just a figure of speech, right?  I thought I was tough but you’re… incredible.”

Shepard hummed and Garrus realized he could hear it clearly.  She must have taken pity on him and chosen to take the road more travelled (fewer crunches and squeals gave it away), so to speak.  They were on a (mostly!) abandoned world, there were no roads. Whatever.

“Well, I am half machine.” The words came out matter of fact but Garrus knew that his Commander still hurt every time she acknowledged what Cerberus had done to her.  Yes, it had saved her life but there were nights that she woke up shivering and crying, terrified of the nightmares. That fateful day still plagued her in her slumber.  Along with her one major fear: that she actually was a different person, nothing but a poorly made copy. That maybe Cerberus hadn’t just fixed her up, they’d implanted a kill switch in case things didn’t go according to plan and were just waiting for the right chance to use it.

Miranda assured her they had done no such thing, but Miranda hadn’t been in the lab with her body every moment of every day.

Garrus just held his Commander tight and rode out the storm of tears and anger with her, gripping her tight and whispering loving words in her ears.  He never knew if she really heard them, half-asleep as she usually was when she was startled by her dreams. But he hoped she heard his tone at least.

Shepard put up a brave face in front of everyone but she let down her guard near him.  They’d been together, as friend and more, long enough for Garrus to smell when things were about to go bad.  He knew Shepard like the back of his hand, and he could take her apart faster than he could his own rifle - and she him.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Garrus replied, realizing that he’d been lost in thought.

“I know.” Shepard answered softly, although whether she was speaking to Garrus or herself was a mystery.

Garrus let the moment pass, pretended the tension was something physical that Shepard could escape from.  It helped.

“Seriously though, you’re making me reconsider what I do on my days off.  The only way I can keep up with you is if I train every waking moment and build this body back up to what it once was.” Garrus brushed the tips of his claws across his ruined face and made a pained noise.  The scars didn’t hurt anymore, they hadn’t for a while, but it was never a feeling he’d be fully comfortable with.

“Garrus, stop--” Shepard sounded...  No, this was wrong - he never wanted to cause her concern.  

EDI was still giving them their privacy.  A quick glance towards her bowed head gave Garrus the little bit of confidence he needed to continue.

“Don’t think I’m complaining - far from it.  I just need to work harder. Never thought I’d see the day when a human could beat a turian in competition of stamina.”

“Oh Garrus,” Shepard purred sweetly. “You work  _ plenty _ hard.  I’m always satisfied with your skills.  And you’re  _ very  _ good at following orders.”  Oh yeah, Garrus couldn’t see her face but he knew that if she were turian, all her teeth would be showing.  It was a predatory look but on Shepard…? It could light a fire in Garrus’s belly faster than was decent.

“Only under the right Commander.” He shot back, eager to assuage her of any misgivings.  He could hear her chuckling at his choice of words.

“So you like following a woman’s lead, huh?  Maybe that would have made things easier for you back at C-Sec.  Could’ve had an easier time. Might have even decided to stay.” 

The path was straightening out and the Mako was slowing down.  Looked like they were almost at their destination, wherever that was.  Shepard hadn’t actually informed him of anything but, like so many times in the past, Garrus knew trusting her was the right decision.

“The moment I saw you I knew you were the one, Shepard.  I’d follow you through hell and back, might even lose a limb or two along the way, but I’d be there.  There’s no place I’d rather stay but by your side.” It was the closest he’d ever gotten to actually saying how he felt while she was alert enough to remember.  

His voice lowered an octave. “But after  _ two _ wild rides in the span of 12 hours, you think you might want to spend some time under  _ my _ command for a bit?”

The Mako stopped moving and Garrus could just make out a dark mass in the swirling dust beyond.  Shepard’s hair was frizzy in the heat but she appeared rejuvenated by something. Their conversation, maybe?  His words, unsaid yet significant? Or maybe she was just looking forward to destroying a few geth and bringing Legion some upgrades. 

Shepard undid her seatbelt and turned around, eyes sparkling something fierce when they alighted on Garrus’s face.  He wished he could read her as well as she read him.

“Pfft.” Shepard blew a raspberry at him and did her damndest to look demure.  “You can handle it.”

“I’m not as spry as I was when we first met.”

“Parts of you certainly call that into question.”

Garrus answered that with a subtle flick of his tongue, the blue-grey of it briefly escaping his mouth to tease the tips of his Commander’s imagination.  She narrowed her eyes but Garrus could smell the sharp tang in the air as her body responded to the suggestion.

She was right, there were certain parts of him that she enjoyed more than others.  His mind, of course, being the major one. The others, well, those weren’t difficult to guess.

EDI looked up, calm voice once again filling the cabin.  “Have we arrived?” 

Shepard nodded and EDI switched her hearing back on.  Or whatever it was that she had switched off in the first place.  Garrus wasn’t entirely sure EDI was as innocent as she led them all to believe, and they only had her word that she wasn’t eavesdropping.  Before she’d gotten close to Joker he might have believed her without question but now… Let’s just say that Joker could be a bad influence.

Fortunately for him and Shepard, however, their partnership was of no surprise to the crew.  It came out that Joker and Jack had actually started a pool about when the two of them would actually hook up.  

… Which lead to Shepard finding out and getting Thane (the only non-participant) to place a bet (for her).  She, Garrus, and Thane split the winnings. If memory served, Shepard had bought some expensive upgrades for her sidearm while Thane gifted his to his son.  Garrus himself felt like the gains were ill-gotten and so kept it all stored in his locker. To each their own.

Shepard was inspiring.  She’d gone through so much in such a short while.  Coming from so little and making her way up the ladder was something so many dreamed of yet few achieved.  Garrus was just happy he’d been permitted to follow her.

And despite what many a council member, new recruit, or arrogant know-it-all might think, Shepard was  _ far _ from suicidal.  In fact the crazier her plans were, the more stunning a victory it brought to them all.  It was less of a ‘if she told you to jump off a cliff, would you?’ scenario and more ‘if she jumped, would you follow?’  Because Shepard would never demand anything of her friends without being willing to do it herself.

And the answer would be the same every time.

Every  _ damn _ time.

Shepard was outside, her helmet gleaming in the dusty wind.  EDI stood with her examining the mysterious building with her omni-tool.  Her body was reflecting all the sunlight that hit it, making her glow like a digital angel.  But she was nothing compared to the woman who waited beside her.

“You coming, Garrus?”  Shepard asked, head cocked to one side as she extended a friendly hand.

Garrus took it and let her pull him from the Mako.  He squeezed tight enough for her to feel it through the shielding of her suit and she smiled at him, fingers clearly itching to do some damage.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: PorcelainLoveBug
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


End file.
